Is this what I really want?
December 19, 2009
It has been a very busy month and sadly writing just went out of my system. I’ve grown distant to a lot of people. I felt being alone is what I need though I tried my hardest to interact with others. During most of my days, I helped Mom in our little business, went home around 7pm or so. Chat with my sister, watch television for an hour, grab a book and read until my eyes get all cloudy and tired. That’s what I’ve been doing. I got a second hand mobile phone that seldom receives messages but I don’t really mind, I sometimes forgot where I’d placed it anyway. I just finished reading DEAR JOHN by Nicholas Sparks and it was so moving I have tears until the last page and I asked myself
“IS THIS WHAT I REALLY WANT?”
I sucked. During the first part of the decision making, I was so sure I want it. I talked it out among my sisters and my mom and they all agreed to it. We are no rich. We’re just a normal family that has a little bit more that the ordinary. I know you know what I mean. I really want it 2 months ago and now I don’t know. Studying again is a great a thing but being away with my parents and my friends and my dogs isn’t a good thing. My sister just got her visa and will be leaving first week of January as for me, it’s still a long process. I am not sure if I am ready. As I finished the book last night maybe I was drowning in a very emotional state that I thought about things that I really want, it happens right? I am not saying that the story of the book has something to do with my indecisions, it was a heart-warming love story that didn’t end like other fairytales but it was choosing the happiness of someone you love over your own.
So that story made me cry, and no I was still crying until the wee hours trying to sum up everything. What if it’s not what I really want? Who will look after my father who is sick or help my mom handling the business? Who will look after my dogs when they become sick too? What if every single centavo we spent for my papers go to waste? Will my mother blame me for being such a persuasive little hard-headed me? Yes I want that course and yes I want it too badly that I over think for most part. Now I am lost again in a maze I made myself. Isn’t that cool? 
Previous Comments
ate KG 
thank you po. I’ll be watching the movie soon pero ung The Last Song babasahin ko muna hehe. yea ate Kg please pray for me, i really need to make the right decisions now. advance merry xmas to you and Wendy
All comments are moderated. Your comments will not appear here unless approved by the blog owner. Thank you.
oh yeinie! i lvoed dear john too! napaiyak din ako doon! it is one of my favorite nicholas sparks movie!
i hope you think and make the right decisions! i’ll be praying for you!
Posted by kg at December 19, 2009, 10:11 pm