crossing difficult roads.

I don’t have the will to write this incident because I thought I wouldn’t make it as simple as it may seem. I think I will be a hypocrite if I would not admit that a part of me was surprised and hurt.

This incident happened three weeks ago. I was about to cross the street when I saw a very familiar car and slowly it stopped in front of me, unexpectedly RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME like as if fate was giving me a very cruel joke.

When it is traffic I find it very easy to cross any road but not that time, moving my feet became very hard, I was dumbfounded. I was undeniably speechless. That face hit me.  That familiar face that I came to loved and fooled me. A cruel being that simply had the best of me. That single entity that once became my whole world.

Telling everybody that you are okay after a bad break-up isn’t very easy. “I have moved on” are words that choked me on the first few months. I tried to be strong; I gave myself ample time to recover. I let my heart cry, I let my tears flow. I was, positively hoping that everything would fall into its proper places in God’s time. I was young; I knew that love would still come my way when I least expected it, and besides I have so many dreams for my family and for myself, I knew that night, when I came over to their house to clear things with him, that there’s was no point of turning back, no reason for fighting, no chances of winning in a baseball game  even if I try my hardest to run after the ball of our, or I should say my happiness only to find out that he wasn’t ready to catch it. We are defeated. Nothing could ever make our relationship work the way we wanted it.

I saw him and that someone who was on the passenger seat they were laughing. He came to look at my direction, standing few steps away from him made me sick.  Looking at her makes me weak. Looking at them makes me ill. He must be very happy now and she must be the girl he’s been looking for.

I realized it was easy to say “I am okay” but when times like that it was “hard” seeing him happy with his new found love.

I don’t want this entry to sound that I was the bitter party, the sadness I felt when I saw him doesn’t mean I am still in love with him. It was the first time I saw him literally with another girl. What makes me think that she was the new girl, I’ll tell you, it isn’t very hard to tell :) and so being it the first encounter I don’t expect myself to jump of happiness and tell everybody “oh my recent ex has a new girlfriend” It was, common and clearly a very normal reaction on my part to feel that way.

Crossing the road with him and the new “her” on it would be easy next time.